Posted by Sarah Rothmann (English teaching Assistant at Gymnázium Jozefa Bočka in Český Těšín, currently quarantined at home in USA)
Some may say I am a planner. I think I would say that as well. What can I say? Plans are nice. I love being able to guess what’s going to happen and how I will react. Especially when plans work out. However, they can also be devastating when they fall apart. After these past few weeks, whether a planner or not, I think we all may agree that the grief, frustration, and utter confusion that follows absolutely blows. However, since arriving back to the United States from the Czech Republic I have found that being discouraged overshadows all the joys and love that life holds for everybody every day. Being discouraged is very easy and natural right now but is unproductive and has the power to drive anybody crazy.Letting this grief, frustration, and utter confusion consume life is the opposite of what I plan to do for these quarantine days. Instead of feeling stuck in a yearning for what was, it is important to embrace the love, compassion, and hope in what is and what will come. I would feel like a hypocrite if I said that this mentality is one I immediately embraced with open arms. If I am being completely honest, the first week I was back from my Fulbright, I experienced very real reverse culture shock and grief over the sudden loss of my Czech life. Unexpectedly departing from the Czech Republic left me feeling as though my life there was incomplete and I couldn’t, and at times still can’t, stop thinking about everything I still looked to do and accomplish there.
I had plans to share my Czech life with my mother and boyfriend and visit London, Italy, Greece, new parts of the Czech Republic and Slovakia, and maybe even the south of France. I had plans to continue to spend quality time with my loving, and dearly missed, Czech family, venturing to Bohemia and other mountainous parts of the Czech Republic and Slovakia to test and better my climbing skills with Roman. I had plans to enjoy the beautiful spring weather in the Czech Republic and have some garden BBQs and classic pub evenings, enjoying the warm weather outside like we were able to do in August. And of course, I had plans to continue to improve my teaching skills for my Czech students, get to know them through revamped after-school clubs and watch them complete their school year and end of year exams. While each day was not perfect, I learned a substantial amount about myself this year while in the Czech Republic and was able to exercise and garner a strong sense of independence and confidence. This is an invaluable treasure that I can carry with me wherever I end up next.
This is the first time in my life where no routine is in existence for me. As I just wrote above, I went from doing what I love – teaching and learning about a new culture – to scrambling for money, wrapping up my bills from the Czech Republic and tracking down refunds, financial aid, and scholarships for Graduate School. Again, I am not going to lie – it is so incredibly frustrating and sometimes I still don’t believe that this change is real. All this said, while in the Czech Republic I found that flexibility and openness really helped me thrive and these two qualities are what are going to help me thrive here. I am learning to take this new life in quarantine day by day and actually love not knowing what the plan may be. Circling back to all my blogs and an important theme I touched upon – I need to simply trust that it is going to be ok.
So, I decided to give myself a project – I unpacked my belongings from the 7 months I spent in the Czech Republic and transformed my brother’s old room into mine – a project that let my emotions stir and sizzle. Instead of leaving everything packed away and forgotten, I have them on display to remind me of the beautiful experiences I was able to find and share with my Czech family. I am may not be there as I planned but small, tangible pieces of this life, and all the memories of the amazing experiences we were able to share, will stay with me in this room which is really comforting. This is the reality of life right now and it’s better to jump into it and see where it takes me rather than let anger and sadness consume and dictate my every day.
Here are some of the other ways I am keeping my Czech and American lives/families interconnected.
Calling Roman and Pavlina via Facebook video chat – We update, comfort, and keep each other posted about what’s happening in our lives. Just hearing their voices and seeing their smiles bring such warmth to the start of my day. I am also practicing my harness knot for climbing with a little piece of rope Roman left for me. I don’t know when it will happen but I have hope that a trip to Bohemia definitely WILL happen and I want to ensure that I am still well prepared. These calls always bring me so much happiness and remind me of the beautiful family I will always have, and will return to, in the Czech Republic. As I learned this year when keeping in touch with loved ones from the US, everybody is always a phone call away – and that will never change.
Online tutoring – Massachusetts, Czech, & Italian students – Whenever I call or write to one of my Czech students the nostalgia hits hard but it’s the second-best thing to teaching in my Czech classroom right now. I also loved tutoring in Andover last summer so I have set up an online tutoring service for local families. This way I can return to teaching while also helping families in need. Additionally, I started tutoring an Italian family which also gives me a taste of teaching the English language again. Meeting and teaching this Italian mother and son has been very heart warming and I am so excited to be able to help them during this very difficult time – especially as they have some family in Italy right now and the situation there, and all over the world, changes rapidly every day.
Finally, I have so much to look forward to and be thankful for – being able to remember and reflect upon my Fulbright experience in the Czech Republic, prep for Harvard, save for my life in Boston, think about summer plans and just enjoy time with my American and Czech families and loved ones at home (or via video chat) is a beautiful privilege that I am going to always cherish. My life is bursting with love, support, and incredible memories. And this gift is truly special and can never be stripped away from me by any virus.
Writing this blog during my Fulbright experience has been incredibly reflective and helpful. During these times of uncertainty, I definitely plan to keep my blog alive and I hope my words can help everybody in some small way. On that note, as always, keeping to my English literature roots, I leave everybody this week with the following quote:
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Following Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s words from The Little Prince, we should all spend each day seeking the simple pleasures and love in our homes – this search is not always guided by physical sight, but by the mental and compassionate strength of our very full hearts. I have no idea what this week or this month or even the rest of this year is going to look like. Plans seem to change every day and it is impossible to keep up. But somehow, I have hope that really everything is going to be ok.
Stay safe, healthy, and happy. Reach out to those you love and don’t forget to smile about all the beauties and spurts of happiness that life always has to offer.
And of course, until next time…ahoj!
